A Scene From Another Life: Saturday Night

I went to class to this morning, but more physically present than mentally. I wasn't much interested in another lecture on behaviorism. My mind wandered and, one or twice, I realized that my chest was tightening and my breathing was shallow and rapid. There is a cocky bastard in the class and I usually ignore him, but I couldn't today. I challenged him several times before I realized that it was pointless. When he couldn't deal with my arguments, he just repeated his points in a more insistent manner. I finally ignored him because I wanted the class to end as soon as possible and I realized that I wasn't angry at the fool, I was just angry.

I wandered home slowly, stopping at Target for no real reason. I drifted around the store and bought a few things that I really didn't need. Then I headed home. I spent the rest of the day at my desk or napping. Tomorrow I want to make a plan for the next eight days. I want a list of things to do so I can stay focused and feel that I got something done.

Yesterday, as I thought about nine days off, I wanted to go to a dealer, buy a car, and go somewhere. I didn't care where. I imagined some smallish city like Cincinnati, or Louisville. Maybe Pittsburg. A moderately priced suite in a hotel just off the interstate. Wander around during the day, seeing new things. Quiet nights at the suite. But I didn't want to go alone and KS has commitments all week. She needs the car. And I couldn't leave her here on her own. I'd worry about her safety the whole time. So I'm here and I want to stay busy.