Up and down, anxious and angry. I went to school today and arrived nervous. I'd taken half a Klonopin and that helped, but I was still anxious. I had to reassemble my room again, but there was less damage that last time. I guess I made my point.
I got through the morning by keeping things moving at a breakneck speed. The usual suspects tried to play around and generally act like idiots, but I just kept moving. By eleven, my anxiety was rising and I took the other half of the Klonopin. I took the kids to lunch and had to deal with the usual chaos in the hallways and lunchroom. I made my way back to my room, avoiding the packs of kids wandering around in the halls.
I had lunch with a friend who had been out sick since before last Friday. Her room was vandalized on Tuesday. She was still out sick and her door was left unlocked. Some kids smashed the door handle free of the door. They then used the handle to smash the glass in the window of the door. Not satisfied, they picked up her computer and monitor and smashed both of them. If I had been at school that day, I would have heard it. She's only two doors down from me. I would have heard and gone to investigate. I wouldn't have gone empty-handed.
She said she heard that something had happened on Friday. I told her to ask someone else.
As I was going back to my room, a bunch of middle-school boys were running down the hallway. They weren't supposed to be on the floor and my thoughts were still on the damage to my friends room. These kids were strong possibilities. I tried to stop the boys and get them to go back downstairs. The pushed past me laughing. I caught up to one boy, the one I knew was the leader. He is a totally useless punk. Before I knew it, he was yelling at me and insulting me. And I was yelling back. He stepped toward me and I said to him, "So what are you going to do?" At that time, at that moment, I wanted him to take a swing at me. I would have have smashed him.
He kept jawing, but kept his distance. I realized that I could smash him, but I couldn't win. Somehow I turned away. I went to my room, locked the door, and stepped away from the door. I considered calling KS and having her come and get me. In the end, I decided to try and make it through the day.
I picked up my afternoon class, and sealed myself off from the insanity in hallways, as I got back to room as quickly as possible. I told the class that I needed their cooperation, that I wasn't in any mood to put up with any stupidity. I know that isn't the best thing to say, but that is what I felt and that is what I did.
Almost immediately, my most annoying student rose to the challenge. Within ten minutes he'd tired of arguing and flipped me the bird. He also mumbled something about hitting me. I kicked him out of my room and sent him to the office. About 15 minutes, he was back, smiling and grinning. No admittance note from the principal, no suspension, no nothing. Five minutes later, he got tired of annoying everyone around him and me, in particular. Something in his addled brain convinced him that it would be a good idea to leap out of his chair toward me. He sits about six feet from me and his leap brought him too far inside my personal space. I shoved a desk out of the way and turned toward him. The look on my face and tightness of my muscles scared the shit of him. He turned and ran from the room.
I called the office and reported the incident. The Secretary asked for a report and wrote it up. I sent the second note to the office. The kid never returned to my class. I didn't care were he was. There were 45 minutes to go until dismissal. The class had dissolved after this latest incident. I'd had it. If I'd had a car, I would have left. As it was, I told the class that I was finished for the day and would not speak any more. I cleaned up my materials and gathered up my things. I had no intention of returning on Friday.
When I got home I wrote a long email to my principal. I haven't seen her all week. She has taken to holing up in her office with the door closed. I've emailed her and tried to talk to her, but she has not said one word to me all week.
I have been in touch with the Union president. A close friend of mine who is very active in the union strongly recommended this action and I grudgingly took her advice. He said he was going to find help for me, but I was so upset when he was talking to me that I messed up his email address. I'm embarrassed to call him back. I've asked the friend who recommended him to forward the details to him, but tonight was an ugly union meeting and everyone is busy, I guess. No response from either person.
I'm not going to school tomorrow. After that I have a week off for winter break. I don't know what I'll do when winter break is over.
I got through the morning by keeping things moving at a breakneck speed. The usual suspects tried to play around and generally act like idiots, but I just kept moving. By eleven, my anxiety was rising and I took the other half of the Klonopin. I took the kids to lunch and had to deal with the usual chaos in the hallways and lunchroom. I made my way back to my room, avoiding the packs of kids wandering around in the halls.
I had lunch with a friend who had been out sick since before last Friday. Her room was vandalized on Tuesday. She was still out sick and her door was left unlocked. Some kids smashed the door handle free of the door. They then used the handle to smash the glass in the window of the door. Not satisfied, they picked up her computer and monitor and smashed both of them. If I had been at school that day, I would have heard it. She's only two doors down from me. I would have heard and gone to investigate. I wouldn't have gone empty-handed.
She said she heard that something had happened on Friday. I told her to ask someone else.
As I was going back to my room, a bunch of middle-school boys were running down the hallway. They weren't supposed to be on the floor and my thoughts were still on the damage to my friends room. These kids were strong possibilities. I tried to stop the boys and get them to go back downstairs. The pushed past me laughing. I caught up to one boy, the one I knew was the leader. He is a totally useless punk. Before I knew it, he was yelling at me and insulting me. And I was yelling back. He stepped toward me and I said to him, "So what are you going to do?" At that time, at that moment, I wanted him to take a swing at me. I would have have smashed him.
He kept jawing, but kept his distance. I realized that I could smash him, but I couldn't win. Somehow I turned away. I went to my room, locked the door, and stepped away from the door. I considered calling KS and having her come and get me. In the end, I decided to try and make it through the day.
I picked up my afternoon class, and sealed myself off from the insanity in hallways, as I got back to room as quickly as possible. I told the class that I needed their cooperation, that I wasn't in any mood to put up with any stupidity. I know that isn't the best thing to say, but that is what I felt and that is what I did.
Almost immediately, my most annoying student rose to the challenge. Within ten minutes he'd tired of arguing and flipped me the bird. He also mumbled something about hitting me. I kicked him out of my room and sent him to the office. About 15 minutes, he was back, smiling and grinning. No admittance note from the principal, no suspension, no nothing. Five minutes later, he got tired of annoying everyone around him and me, in particular. Something in his addled brain convinced him that it would be a good idea to leap out of his chair toward me. He sits about six feet from me and his leap brought him too far inside my personal space. I shoved a desk out of the way and turned toward him. The look on my face and tightness of my muscles scared the shit of him. He turned and ran from the room.
I called the office and reported the incident. The Secretary asked for a report and wrote it up. I sent the second note to the office. The kid never returned to my class. I didn't care were he was. There were 45 minutes to go until dismissal. The class had dissolved after this latest incident. I'd had it. If I'd had a car, I would have left. As it was, I told the class that I was finished for the day and would not speak any more. I cleaned up my materials and gathered up my things. I had no intention of returning on Friday.
When I got home I wrote a long email to my principal. I haven't seen her all week. She has taken to holing up in her office with the door closed. I've emailed her and tried to talk to her, but she has not said one word to me all week.
I have been in touch with the Union president. A close friend of mine who is very active in the union strongly recommended this action and I grudgingly took her advice. He said he was going to find help for me, but I was so upset when he was talking to me that I messed up his email address. I'm embarrassed to call him back. I've asked the friend who recommended him to forward the details to him, but tonight was an ugly union meeting and everyone is busy, I guess. No response from either person.
I'm not going to school tomorrow. After that I have a week off for winter break. I don't know what I'll do when winter break is over.
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